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Haunted to my knees


I saw a short video tonight with Christians being burned alive. I wasn’t looking for it or planning on watching, I just happened across it in my Twitter feed- but I was compelled to watch all 160 seconds of it. It was quite possibly the longest 2+mins of my life. I was sobbing at the end and I’m quite sure I’ll have nightmares. There are scenes of horror that will not quickly be forgotten. I’ve never seen anything like it before. It was horrifying, sobering, gut-wrenching, pure evil. It was persecution and torture.

But I watched it. I MADE myself watch it.

I am sick with it- but I don’t regret it.

Because I needed to see it- in all it’s sickening horror.

Because I needed to be reminded.

Because this stuff is REAL. It is HAPPENING.

My spirit is in turmoil over it and honestly I’m not sure what to do with what I saw.

I spent some time in prayer. I didn’t know what else to do I’m not sure what I said, it was one of those spirit to Spirit conversations. And I’m not ‘better’, my heart hurts and my head still can’t wrap my mind around what I watched- but I know God heard my cries- just as He heard the cries of those martyrs as they burned.

This is often the price of our faith. Ridicule, persecution, torture, and yes, even death.

As rich, first-world, American, cozy Christians it is too easy to just ‘know’ in our head and in theory that these horrific circumstances are taking place….. way far away, in worlds apart from us. Like I said, I’m not sure what to even DO with how hard these visuals hit me, and I’m not preaching radical changes.

I am haunted by the visuals that I won’t soon forgot.

I pray I am haunted by them forever.

I don’t WANT to forget.

This brought me to my knees, and that’s a good first step. I pray it keeps me on my knees.

I encourage you to watch (with great care!) and be sobered, be reminded, be convicted, be on your knees.


persecution 1 Bethany L Douglas - Author Mother, Flight nurse

Since originally posting this, I’ve been overwhelmed by the encouragement and others who are convicted to support our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ- whether through prayer, financially, and in some cases, being called to go spread the Gospel alongside them. I have not been asked to travel to far away lands (yet!?), but I’ll tell you for sure that these precious believers are squarely on my radar. There are several great venues to learn more about these Christians. For a great resource to follow, support, and pray for them, I encourage you  to check out Voice of the Martyrs; they have an app where you can daily join thousands of other Christians in prayer for those living under persecution as well as many other resources to take a more active role.

00002 3260601196 removebg preview 1 Bethany L Douglas - Author Mother, Flight nurse



  1. jcrouch1944 Avatar

    I am reading Hearts of Fire that is co-authored by voice of the Martyrs. It is breaking my heart but I feel compelled to read it.

    1. Avatar

      I know the feeling- when God compels us to experience something so evil. It is SO uncomfortable and heart-wrenching! I take hope that there is no tear shed that He doesn’t completely understand. And what an honor that He would ask us to more fully take part in what He feels as well!

  2. Tom Avatar

    May I never shrink back from being the witness God has called me to be. It is in events like this that the true love of God is put on display for all the world to see. It was under persecution that the church grew and spread in the Bible. May I show that same dedication and love to God and others.

    1. Avatar

      I agree, it is equally nightmarish to me that I would not stand for my beliefs and cow to the persecution. Lord, may we all be found ready and willing when and if You ask harder paths for us!

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