Frantically, I dig through my purse looking for lunch money I had forgotten to give. Impatiently I fuss,”Who put all of this in here?” “Why can’t you remind me sooner? “ “I’m sick of this! I can’t do this! You’ll just have to go without,” as the contents of my purse are tossed everywhere.
Mind you, all of this taking place in the school drop off area, while cars wait behind us. They, my children, have no other choice but to exit. The door slammed shut, and the example of love and patience departed as well. Frustrated, I grit my teeth and proclaim, “I cannot do this! I cannot do this, anymore! I hate my stupid brain, why can’t I get it together?” I look down at the heaped mess in the seat and scan evidence of an apparent struggle, while the hot darts of defeat are set and ready to fire. I blew it, again!
Fear and heaviness sink on my shoulders as changes swirl around our family, and the simple tasks seem huge in the midst of the uncomfortable stretching place we are wading. With resolve, I come to terms, once again, that I DO NOT have it together. It’s obvious that achieving whatever picture I’ve painted of what “together” looks like is forever out of reach.
Lately, it takes all energy to get out of the house in the morning, and one setback can set the mood for the rest of the ride.
I sent my kids to school without money to eat. Check.
I let them see me frantic and frustrated. Check.
I mumble, “I’m, obviously, in need of more…”Sleep? Medication? Quiet Time? People to do more?
With defeat, I pray…
“Lord, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I lost it. I want to have it together, but the more I try, the more it crumbles. I want to be a good wife and mother. I want to be all you want me to be. Surely, you won’t fulfill all in our lives, if handling such minimal tasks like facing the pressure of morning mother hood and car line in such a horrible way.”
I confess, I. AM NEEDY!……I mean, the disgustingly and clingy needy….For more of HIM!
As I prayed and pondered a calm assurance from the Holy Spirit flooded my frustrated and fearful heart. With a gentle reminder, in the way he does, I realized that I am, undoubtedly, in need of more…..GRACE.
What is it? How do I get it?
Hebrews 4:16 (NASB), tells us,“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” At all times, we are welcomed and encouraged by right and privilege to boldly cry out, openly and without fear, to our Heavenly Father. YES, he is God! YES, he is all-knowing and powerful, but his ear turns to the cry of his sons and daughters.
It was much harder before the cross, but through Jesus, it is, according to, Colossians 1:21-22, “And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His (Jesus) fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him(God the Father) holy and blameless and beyond reproach.” Furthermore, Hebrews 10:19 (NASB) tells us, “Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus…”
Out of mercy, he lowers the kindness rope to rescue us out of our miserable and muddied mess, to bathe us in his grace, which is joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, love and favor. In other words, he loves us despite our mud pie making ways. Gosh, we are such Daddy’s girls, aren’t we? I mean, being adored despite thick sludge is quite amazing, and as we shower in his grace, presence, and word, we are strengthened and refreshed. We, then, can move forward in faith and knowledge, therefore, gain the ability to fulfill our purpose by his design.
As the realization pricked my overwhelmed heart, I began to exhale. I don’t have to do it alone and everything I need is free for the taking, My first step is to ask ,with all assurance that what I lack is made abundant and available out of pure love, and he gladly takes it from there.
The move of surrender is a mighty one! Wow! Why do we make it so hard? Our wish may be to please him with our efforts, actions, and performance, but truly the greatest step is one of surrender.
He won’t take what we still hold, but gladly accepts what we give.
Lindsey’s blog can be found here. She is a Jesus Lovin’, Vintage Treasure Huntin’,Turquoise Adorin’, Tennessee girl! If you spend any time on her website, you’ll find yourself wanting to buy all her dresses (I’m kinda jealous of her wardrobe, not
gonna lie!) Please take a moment and drop by it! Her passion is to teach, write, and speak into the lives of women the unfailing Love of Jesus Christ, and ignite a passion for God’s word within their hearts. She is a wife, mother, and nurse. Lindsey, thank you for your heart of flesh and sharing with me and my readers today! ~B