Praise God for His everlasting and far-Reaching mercies and grace!
But the story doesn’t end there back in those days. Even coming out of the affair and fixing my marriage, I faced a lot of judgment and black-balling from the church, from people who should have been praying and encouraging me. Gabe got much support, I however did not. He was embraced, I was not. It was an unexpected development during those hard times. I was surprised and deeply wounded by those who I turned to in my need. Both Gabe and I spent several years healing from the wounds inflicted on us during that season.
As if that wasn’t enough, as if I hadn’t learned the lesson fully (which clearly by my behavior I had not), in 2007 I had another affair, this time with a married man. I knew it was wrong, and thank God is was not as ‘physical’ as my previous one, however it exposed much additional healing that I obviously needed- both in myself and in my marriage. The affair ended on its own without Gabe finding out about it. I had never planned on telling him, figuring he would leave me for good this time, until one fateful afternoon many many years later…during a time that we were actually thriving in our relationship, in our personal lives, with a great church, and with God.
One sunny afternoon in 2012, Gabe had a confession for me… he had hidden a porn addiction from me- for literally our entire marriage. I was stunned. He had lied to me about it dozens and dozens of times, and I had believed him. I felt my world turn upside down, I felt betrayed, humiliated, a fool. It was an impossible pill to swallow. And yet I had to, because I was convicted that afternoon to finally tell him about my second affair. Whew… you can just imagine how that conversation went- on both our sides! There was a lot of crying, confession, repentance, forgiveness, and renewal. It took time for both of us, but God (once again) walked us through it.
God is so good! He is the great physician, the great healer, the great Prince of Peace. And He has brought real peace, real truth, real confession, real repentance, and real transformation to our house! Without Him I would be lost (still and forever!)
Today I want to encourage you dear one- as I can personally attest, there is NOTHING that you’ve done or gone through that God cannot fix completely. In fact, I’ll go a step further and proclaim that what your issues are, God will not only fix… He will make better! That unholy vow I told Him during my first affair He has answered me in spades. I work at it, I practice walking with my Savior, I have to commit to being intentional and on guard in this journey called life. I refuse to let those years of hard work not be proclaimed from the mountain tops- because in my weaknesses God is made great! He is the ultimate savior and redeemer! My life now is more blessed, more fulfilling, more peaceful, more complete than anything I could have possibly imagined. It is not perfect, and I am still a sinner (I always will be, though I try not to!) BUT (and that’s a BIG BUT!) I am a living, breathing testament what the blood of Jesus can do in a life.
Please do not ever think that you are beyond redemption!
I believe that Christ literally descended into the bowels of Darkness to retrieve me out of its depths-
He only asked me to take the steps with Him.
And if I can do that… You can too!
If those steps need to be taken today, I beg you to take them. Walk with Him, step by step, He’ll carry you if needed for while (He definitely did that for me), but you have to LET HIM.